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Let’s Say Amotekun Was A SE Governors Idea?

*By Uwuma Precious*

Dr. Ngige would have granted a quick interview condemning it soundly and Okorocha would have offered conciliatory disapprovals saying it is not the best path to Igbo presidency come 2023 or 2089. While addressing newsmen on plans to land Nigerians on the moon by mid 2020, Ogbonnaya Onu would have called for dialogue between the FG and the SE, suggesting a suspension of the scheme for the time being.

But the winner would have been Gov. Umahi who would have reminded his colleagues of all the good things Buhari is doing for the Igbos, emphasizing strongly the President’s paternalistic kindness towards the Igbos and patience with Nnmadi Kanu’s insults and how the Igbos ought to leverage on those, or at least appreciate the President instead of trying to jeopardize the good works the Federal Government is doing in Igboland with an unnecessary security outfit. “We are building flyovers in Abakiliki, Ebonyi does not have money to fund any outfit,” he would have concluded and two days later seen on the NTA shaking hands in Aso Rock.

But for the Kanunists, it would have been another edition of Who Let The Dogs Out. Their insults, dammed for about 6 months now would have once again broken free, flooding everywhere and drowning every possibility of sensible discuss. The Soleimanian affair, lending itself to easy quotation by every nwanna with a phone would have been their prime example of how Trump would bomb everyone in disagreement with them to smithereens. Mind you, their embarrassing nonsenses wouldn’t have surfaced or achieved prominence had young Igbo intellectuals stepped in ab initio filling up our spaces with sound, unequivocal, supportive politico-intellectual arguments, like their Yoruba counterparts are solidly doing with Amotekun.

But the brilliant young Igbo intellectuals wouldn’t be totally silent however. Instead, with flowery, superfluous disquisitions, they would have offered arguments from both sides of their mouths, neither for nor against the idea. Their primary focus, save the nauseous ambivalence, would have been cautionary condemnations of the barrage of insults from the IPOBians and Kanunists, blaming the later especially for the absence of pro-Igbo voices from across the Niger and Benue -as if among the Igbos themselves there has ever been any useful solidarity of political purpose.
These attacks would have infuriated the Kanunists beyond words, their fury manifesting in the flurry of profile pictures changing in quick successions to either that of a sickly yellow half sun or the portraits of Nnamdi Kanu or a young Ojukwu in army fatigues looking menacingly impotent.

That’s the point we would begin to read stuff like,
“We must get Biafra!”
“Whether Fulani likes it or not we must get Biafra,” and begin to wonder what the issue was about again? Was it about getting Biafra? Celebrating Mazi Kanu? Attacking Buhari? Or setting up a SE Security outfit?

These confusing outbursts would then become like petrol to the intellectual fury of those other group of young Igbo intellectuals who until that point were still cautiously watching from the sidelines, silent. A barrage of long essays would have been their response. Starting with tales of Ojukwu and Gowon in Aburi, America in Vietnam and Awolowo in Kirikiri, they would have written and written and written, but NOTHING neither in clear support for their people nor in clear connection to the issue at hand. And this confusion and muddling up of issues is why many brilliant Igbo social media commentators are often in the same WhatsApp group with the Igbobrews aka Igbo Hebrews aka Kanunists -the metastatic manifestations of the IPOBians.

Then enter the Igbo Buharideens.
These ones, offering what to them are non partisan suggestions on how the SE can actually tackle crime in the region absent developing a vigilante group, would have pranced from wall to wall starting every comment with “I’m an Igbo man, I fully support the protection of Ndi Igbo, but not in a way as to bring another Operation Python Dance to our people…” Then 200 Love/Like reactions later, mostly from northern Buharideens, and a few from the cowardly Igbo intellectual writing from both sides of his mouth, they would start feeling fly, marking themselves the most sensible, objective Igbos on earth.

The other young Igbos who are neither Buharideens, IPOBists nor lay claims to intellectual pretensions wouldn’t be perturbed. They would be busy sharing memes, perfecting their jokes, the existential question dangling over their heads like Damocles’ swords having no remote concerns to their being. Wetin concern them with Isakaba when they live in Sabon Gari, Jos or Lagos? Messi Vs. Rinaldo has more bearing on their lives.

Then one or two statements from Buratai regarding the plans of certain sections of the country to destabilize the unity of Nigeria, and 3 Press briefings (in quick successions) from the Army Spokesman later, an Igbo elder would come out and say the Ohanaeze Ndi Igbo has consulted (probably with the spirits of Idemili, the gods of Arochukwu and the apparitions of Ojukwu, Opara, Mbakwe, Mbadiwe and Azikiwe) and decided the SE governors MUST shelve the idea for the time being until further consultations (perhaps this time with Okija).
And gentleladies and gentlemen, that would be To Your Tents O! Israel until another attempt at testing the limits of the divisive cowardice of those fond of calling others cowards.

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If the overwhelming unity of voices among the Yorubas (and the tacitly acquiescing silence of the dissenters) hasn’t taught the Igbos anything as to their unfortunate plight in the political equation of Nigeria, hardly anything will. With many young Igbos asking if the Yorubas would have supported the Igbos had Amotekun been an Igbo idea, it’s obvious they haven’t taken the necessary lessons. Sad.

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